Christmas Eve Eve... ha

Tomorrow is already Christmas Eve?! Sheesh... I need to go over my gifts and make sure I didn't forget anything and if so run out and get them! EEk. Brett will be home tomorrow, can't wait. I want to move out there so bad, but I have to finish my job here and find one there. I was talking to my good friend tonight and realized that so many people we know have shown their true colors and that we just don't have anything holding us here anymore. Even though we both have family here, there is just nothing more for us here. It seems like when you are in college and there is an abundance of people and things to do that you don't stop to think who is really a friend to you. Once that is over and you are working all the time and don't have time to go out or party, then you start to find out who stays in touch and who stays in the college mind set. I miss the carefree feeling of college, where your biggest concerns are getting papers and projects done, and getting good grades. I guess that can't last forever, but sometimes I wish it could. At least I have a good set of close friends now. I know who I can rely on, and that even if things are sour it will work out. I'm greatful for that. Lately I have had a real easy time focusing on what is wrong with my life, and what I want, and how it could be so much better. I need to look around and be happy with everything I do have. It could always be so much worse. Even though it might not be what I had imagined life would be like by now, it isn't just me. It's a lot of people, and many of them are my age. We just happened to graduate at a time where our economy is in the gutter and have to wait it out. At least I have a job that allows me to afford my insurance, bills, and food. "The job" will come eventually, and if not then I will find another path to follow. There isn't just teaching art in the world, and I know that if I went to back to school I would do it with more drive than last time. Well, I guess I will go find something to do. I can't wait till tomorrow.

Tis the season...to be broke!

Blah! I thought I had saved up the perfect amount of money for my shopping and I had... until I got an email from my mom telling me that my insurance bill was $404.00!! Def. did not budget that into this paycheck, and I don't get paid again till the 30th... oh, and it's due TOMORROW. Yeah, awesome. So basically I am screwed and not sure what I am going to do.
Anyways, other than that I got most of my shopping done. Brett and I are going up to the outlets in Williamsburg on our way out to Farmville after Christmas. Or at least that was the plan until that lovely email I read.... LAME. So I will see what I can do, I guess if I have to I can pull money from my savings and use that, but I'm trying so hard to save money. I had used all my savings for my car payments when I was in between paychecks.... I can't wait to get a contract teaching job where benefits are offered and I can reasonable save a decent amount of money. I hate this lack-of-jobs situation the economy has created... I don't think that the arts should be cut from schools funding or even thought of as less of a course than English or Science. Music, Art, Cooking, and such are all very important courses that have been proven that students who elect to take these courses are more successful in their core curriculum class and excel in other areas.
I was taking pictures for Christmas cards the other day and really wish I had the money for more lenses for my camera. Maybe one day I can afford to do the things I'd like, until then I have to spend my money on the things that are necessary to live day-to-day. Not my idea of the dream. Pretty lame and crappy to be honest. If only I could come up with some catchy item that I could sell and make millions. Too bad there are millions of people out there trying to do the same thing, best luck to ya! Well, I guess I will go work on something since I really don't have anything to do right now. Tomorrow is the last day before winter break. I need it! The kids at school are out of control and can't be quiet or sit still for less than 5 mins. with out asking to go to the bathroom or the office or just get out of the classroom.... I think for everyones sanity we need the break! haha

Cruise?

So I got a call from one of my girlfriends from college. We cheered together and were instantly great friends. She and I had mentioned something about a cruise next summer a few months ago, and tonight decided that we should really go for it. So now I have to make sure I can put enough money aside for the next few months to put down the deposit and then pay the rest by Aug. Hopefully I will be able to, I've always wanted to go on a cruise, and now that I'm working a steady job I can reasonably put the money aside for it without going broke lol. It's nice to have something to plan ahead for. I usual don't get too excited about these ideas, but I finally am in a place in my life where it could really happen, and I paid for it. :) I like the idea of being able to support myself and not rely on anyone to get things done for me. It's a good feeling to say "I did that" and not have any help doing so. Sounds pretty silly, but if you were in my shoes you would understand. I think I'm more excited about the idea of wearing my prom dress again than anything haha. Formal night sounds fun! I guess it's good that I pretty much am the same size I was in high school. I might have a few more lbs. on me, but not enough to keep me from fitting into my dress! hehe. I'm just in a good mood. Maybe because this weekend was so good. I went to see my boyfriend and had one of the best weekends I've had in a long time. We went to dinner and a movie ( the Blind Side) which was AMAZING, and then stayed in Sat. and Sun. just watching our favorite shows he got on dvd. It was really nice to just spend time together goofing off and not dealing with the drama of what his friends think. I'm convinced that if both the girls that cause the drama were in committed relationships they would shut up. It's not his fault they can't keep a guy, or don't want to. They feel threatened whenever one of them starts getting serious with anyone outside for their little circle. GROW UP. So I've removed myself and just don't keep in touch with that stuff. I have more important things to do with my time... like blog about it haha... oh geez. Anyhow, it was a wonderful weekend. I didn't want to come back. Work is good, but working with all girls is kinda lame. I don't involve myself in their personal lives, and as a result I'm kind if a loner, but I'm not there for friends, I'm there to earn experience in a school setting and get a contract eventually. Plus they're military wives and one is leaving next week. Not that military spouses are a bad thing, just tend to be like sorority girls and click together. I can understand needing that support, I dated a guy when he went to Afghanistan, but that lifestyle wasn't for me. It was nice to have those people around that could relate, but I saw how they singled out people, and it was like you had to be invited to join their group. I don't know why people do that stuff. I try to be nice to everyone until they give me a reason to dislike them. There are very few people who I automatically take a dislike to... one being if you voted for Obama. Thanks you socialist bastards... but other than that I try to not judge, that's not my place. I think one group that hurts me the most is homosexuals. I love my gay friends to death, but how do you tell someone you don't think you will see them in heaven for the way they live? I have some amazing friends that I feel this way about and I know they know I don't dislike them for who they are, but it hurts me that I don't agree with their lifestyle. I do know that if my kids ever turned out that way I would have a really hard time with it. I don't think that makes me a bad person either. I don't agree with it and I don't want my children to live that way. Wow, this has turned into a rant about lots of odd topics. I guess that means I'm getting tired and need to get off of this thing haha.

What is a true friend?

So, I was always under the impression that a true friend was someone that you could be honest with and they would understand, especially when you are trying to help. Apparently I misread something along the way. I think that this time I've just had enough and knowing that I've done nothing wrong I have no remorse or guilt for this rift in a friendship. I feel that if I can't be honest with someone I've known my entire life then what is the point of our friendship? I offered not to drink so I could take her out to have fun and get her mind of things that were bothering her, so when I said we should keep that topic out of our conversation and she continued to talk about all the things that were going wrong, I told her it was turning the mood sour and I was under the impression she didn't want to thing about that stuff, hence why we went out in the first place. Apparently that makes me rude.I had a long week as well and really needed to get out and have some fun but, if she needed to talk fine, I was there for her. Just not at a bar.. I asked her if she wanted to go home and talk about it and she got really upset with me. Basically I'm a bitch for not wanting to sit at a bar and watch my friend get drunk and make a scene about her problems, when everyone was staring and being rude. But since I offered to go back home and talk, I'm the rude one. Somehow that just doesn't add up to me... I'm tired of covering for her lies and being there for her when the one time I want to go have fun too and not talk about what is wrong in the world I get accused of being a lame friend and ruining her night. I thought that I was doing the right thing, what a REAL friend would do. I guess not. What else do you do in that situation? Let them act like a drunken fool and have people give ugly glares and sit back and do nothing? I'm sad that something so ridiculous as a guy she's been seeing for less than a year can cause so long of a friendship to rift and this time, I'm over it. Who needs a friend that will act like that when you try to help them? Not me. I have enough going on that I don't need added drama of who she said what to, and keeping try to cover for her incase someone confronts her. Forget that. I'm done.